Speedo's Neato

Whoever invented the Speedo is a damn genius. I love speedo's for the mere fact of being the most sick and entertaining thing you can see at the beach. If you do not believe me check these out.

The patriotic speedo


Rebel Speedo

Best Halloween costume ever.

I can not get enough of this picture and basically the best family Halloween costume ever.
ummmm please feast your eyes on what the little girl is doing and why the hell is the dad looking down and petting his wiener. I bet he is thinking man I wish mine was really this big.
When I have a family someday we will dress in this genius naked attire to all big occasions like weddings, PTA meetings,picnics,funerals you name it we are there.

The Mean Evil Swami

My Dad claims that he can read peoples faces. Face reading gives you insights into your own and others' character through an understanding of what their facial features reveal.


He forms his own opinion of a person through this divine power he claims to have. 
I basically interpret it as being a straight up asshole. 


So if he is meeting you for the first time he takes a long hard look at your face and then if he likes you he starts up a conversation.  If he gets a bad reading of your face and for some reason he doesn't like you, well then all hell breaks loose. He will just come out and say all kinds of mean things to you. He will say "I can tell that you are not a good person, believe me I know these things.  yes, yes you are a no good guy.  You look like you are not that smart and you are very bad person."
He has done this to me many of times when first meeting my friends.  I have been so angry and embarrassed by the fact that he verbally abuses my friends and he consider this the gift of face reading.


Therefore my dad is the mean evil Swami.  I have drawn a picture in relation to all this Swami madness. 

Mean mean laughing machine

I know laughing at peoples misfortunes might be evil yet it brings me such delightful entertainment. I am not completely a jerk off, some of this has actually happened to me.
I enjoy seeing people fall down. When someone splits their pants. When someone gets slapped what makes it even better is when you can see the lingering red hand print on the face. When a skirt or dress gets accidentally tucked into someones underwear. when someone steps in poo.


I love her facial expression. Oh dang she didn't see the step.


ha ha ha I love this one. Look at the girls facial expression and the fancy leg work going on.


I really enjoy the weird shaped falls so amazing.


ha ha ha ha love the helicopter legs.



Free ass shot. Basically this has happened to me before. not fun.


This is really tangled in the undies.

ha ha ha so cute though.


Whups.


I really love the intensity in the little guys face. You go girl.


ha ha ha I wish I was there for this one.


That looks like diarrhea kind. eeewwww



The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd!

I would gladly host.

I am always full of ideas. I am constantly brainstorming and bouncing ideas around, If only I could put those ideas to good use.
Many of my friends and family members are pregnant and in that case maybe would consider me as the host of the baby shower.
I have always had a love for little people. Considering that minus a few inches I could therefore myself be a little person. Oh. but a dream.
Well with that in mind I have put together the perfect baby shower.

I have found a great invitation for the occasion.

Seriously I have never seen a better baby shower invitation.

Seeing this invite would make the guests definitely want to drop all plans and make their way to the baby shower. Oh, but thats not all.
Of course food and drinks will be provided along with games and entertainment.

The games would consist of;

What's the Poop?  Different chocolate bars are melted in diapers and everyone has to guess what candy it is. 

Trust me, passing around diapers with melted chocolate is no one's idea of fun.

Baby bottle battle 

Baby bottle battles involved multiple people drinking various liquids from a baby bottle. This is usually done with men or at a couple's shower. While you can use water, juice, or soft drinks, there are rumors that people have tried this one with beer and other alcoholic beverages. (Not recommended for pregnant women.)

As far as the entertainment goes I have come up with the best idea. 

All the guests are gathered around having a jolly Ole time, When all of sudden some awesome music starts playing (Whitesnake-"here I go again") and out comes a little person dressed as a baby who will then pass out all the party favors. 

To cute for words. 

Don't forget to make room For some cake. 

Party favors include.

I am love with these pacifiers, so adorable. Also included are cupcakes!!!!

This all included should equal out to be the best Baby Shower Ever. 

When its cold outside.

This spectacular thing is known as a Penis cozy. 

I really need one of these in the bitter cold of Chicago winters. 

Knitting and crocheting is all the rage, I just have to get cracking and make myself one of these puppies. 

I have no idea why she doing the prayer hand thing. Is she perhaps praying herself for a penis to keep her warm on cold winter nights. 

How much better does it get to cocoon yourself in a giant penis cozy. 

This is definitely going on the top of my Christmas list this year

Memories and regrets.

I know there are people who have lived their lives with no regrets, but I find that hard to believe.
My life has been lived with many regrets. I really do wish I had magical powers so that I could turn back time.
My childhood, really not that great. I spent most of it fighting with my brother. Crying in a dark closet. Plotting and scheming of ways to avenge revenge on one of my family members who did me wrong.

Being Middle Eastern didn't help at all.
Being made fun of for bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in pita bread instead white bread for lunch. Also hummus and falafel wasn't a big hit either. So strange that years later hummus is all the rage. They even developed strange ways and crazy combinations of hummus, like black bean hummus and hummus with pesto??

My name didn't help either. Every time roll call came around I would cringe.
The teacher would always be stumped when my name came around. All of sudden there would be a long pause and then I would hear sssshhh. Oh and I knew it was my name they were struggling with . I would always spare them the embarrassment of slaughtering my name, and as soon as I heard ssshhh I would just yell out SHAMIRAN. It did not end there then it would move onto "so how do you pronounce that exactly?"
I would wish for only but a simpler name like Emily or Hanna.

Being hairy and having a unibrow and a big nose was all the rage. Not really.
While all the girls starting shaving their legs and wearing lip gloss my parents of course did not allow me to join in all the reindeer games.
I really need to shave my sasquatch legs and tweeze my Bret and Ernie Unibrow.  Basically when I wore shorts it looked like I was wearing pants. I then decided to take matters into my own hands. My rebellious stage started at a young age.Sadly  it didn't consist of anything exciting like drinking or smoking , just shaving my legs and being able to feel the freedom of being hair free.

This picture basically sums it up.

I have always loved to be sicked and fascinated by disturbing things. In relation to what I wrote about I have a hard time tearing my eyes aways from terrifying sights such as these.

Ads make women feel fat and not attractive. Well these are the kind of ads I want to see. I feel so at home and ease when I see this ad. Keep it up, I say right on.


Okay fist of all her face is not working for, so please at least shave your pits. I mean that is a double negative.



If you motor boat those puppies you would most likely end up with a hairball. Yikes.

For crying out loud. Nobody likes you, god damn unibrow.

The best shirt ever.

Fist off lets admire this guy for a second.
He has creatively made his own shirt using his pervert poetry just for the ladies.
Love the mirrored glasses and the curly mullet hairdo.
I kind of want to barf on his mini package. I mean why wear tight pants if only a tiny grape lies beneath.
The t-shirt though utter genius.